So ladies, what’s the deal?
I’ve got the feeling that women are completely done with men. When I’m out in public, what I see ALL the time — like no exceptions ever — is the scowling wallflower. You know, they never look up, avoid eye contact at all costs and never interact with strangers. I really have to doubt if women have any interest in men at all from what I normally see. I don’t think it’s just me, I see zero to negative effort from women in public in all sorts of situations which is generally screaming “stay away” towards all the men in the area. It would be refreshing to see someone who smiles, laughs, acts friendly but that just doesn’t happen — ever. It must simply be exhausting avoiding eye contact at all costs and looking like you’re going to mace anyone who approaches. A guy could walk in a bar wearing a gorilla suit and literally, nobody would notice because nobody would bother to even look up. This is the “elephant” in the room of relationships. Interactions and suspicions have become so dysfunctional that it is worse than a middle school dance where everyone is afraid of cooties. It is a wonder that anyone can meet anyone these days with such a dysfunctional attitude. Comment if you think I’m wrong, but how exactly did we get here?
I would first suspect that this is a women’s natural reaction to nonstop cat-calling, harassment and sexual assault, etc. etc. etc. Is it really that bad that just about everyone puts up this 3 foot thick concrete wall to avoid the Barbarians? Is everyone under such a non-stop overwhelming assualt? In such a situation “men” are the “enemy” and you don’ t fraternize with the enemy. While I could see this happening with a few extremely attractive women, I can’t see this being the general case. I would think that most people would like to have some attention, but it would seem that women can’t even be “nice” because it would attract too much unwanted attention. Meaning, women don’t want attention from men. On average, do women (no matter who they are) get so much attention, that they are drowning in it and must do everything in their power to deflect such attention? Or, is it because no attention is wanted because women are just done with men?
It may also be that women are attracted to that one unicorn in the room and need to reject the 99.99% of the flotsam and jetsam. But how can you attract that one unicorn and reject the rest? Well, you can’t. They say 95% of everything is crap, but to get to the good 5%, there is no way around kissing all the frogs to get to the prince. This is all symptomatic of our fully screwed up world where it is a complete wonder how any 2 people manage to meet. It’s nobody’s fault and I’m not being critical — I’m just calling it as I see it. I certainly haven’t figured it out, the world seems like a wholly unfriendly place where everybody keeps their eyes on their phone and nobody dares talk to anyone.
If I were doling out advice that I have no right or knowledge to give, I would advise women to be on the actual lookout for the man you are looking for as opposed to thinking that every man in the room is out to kill me. Try to find that respectable person you are looking for. Show some active interest in seeing who is there. If you find someone, then make the first move — like stare at them. I’m sure he’ll get the message and be quite surprised that someone is looking at him since that really just doesn’t happen — everyone is too busy being the scowling wallflower. After that, it’s up to you to determine if that is the guy you’re looking for or not and you may have to be uncomfortably aggressive in doing that — because the good guy won’t be accustomed to hitting on every girl around him and will likely not feel comfortable with showing interest until you do. But I think we have to get out of our usual behaviors in order to break this impassible logjam that we currently have. So, you can continue to ignore the peanut gallery, but be open to actively searching for the guy that you pick, that looks right to you. If you sit by passively and only select among the guys who approach you, then you really aren’t picking since those will be most of the flotsam and jetsam who will hit on anyone and you are actively trying to avoid. Although I think it is still extremely rare for even a guy to actively hit on women. I think there is this tiny population of men who have been the bad apple and completely spoiled the barrel of women so that they see all men as bad apples. So my advice is, if you want to find the good guy, then you GO pick them. Show some guy that women are not done with men.
I may also be that all women have had these bad experiences with the bad apples that makes most women permanently gun shy. It is standard practice to date someone for years on end, just to have that time “wasted” because they weren’t the one. But if what you want is to get married, then you should place some time limit on the amount of time that you will stay exclusive with them. That can vary. But I think what needs to be emphasized is that you should NOT spend your 20’s is a series of 3–5 year long term relationships (which is what most people do) until your expiration date wears out. Then you marry out of desperation or you force some guy with an ultimatum of marry or quit. You could have probably figured they weren’t for the long haul a lot sooner than that. But if you don’t want to get married, then you can do whatever you want and you shouldn’t consider the time spent as “wasted”. That isn’t wasted time, it is time spent making memories and enjoying your life. The reward is the experience itself and shouldn’t ultimately get tied to something like getting married. I am always troubled by people saying their time has been “wasted”. If it was being wasted, then you should be spending time with them period. Truth be told, marriages don’t last either. So if you think your goal is marriage to provide some stability, that isn’t realistic either.
When it comes to divorces, it is very likely that the women will initiate the divorce. If you are a Hollywood celebrity, the chances are near certainty that the woman will file the divorce. Just look an Angelina Jolie, Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Aniston and the list goes on. Hardly a week goes by in People magazine where some lady has filed divorce on their lying, cheating, no good for nothing husband. Why go through all the trouble of getting “married” when you will probably be the one going to the courthouse to get the divorce? Some say that as many as 90% of divorces are initiated by women. I don’t think this is true, but it just feels that way and just about 100% of the people I have known who have divorced, the women initiated the divorce so it certainly feels true. For a more realistic view, there is a paper you can read on this:
It mainly shows that women are far more likely to breakup the relationship if married. If just cohabitating, then there isn’t a statistically significant difference between men or women initiating the breakup. This study looked at several factors including education and concluded that none of these factors made any significant difference. From pg 18:
“power differentials in education, or income between partners do not appear to explain the women’s role in wanting divorce”
From pg 20:
“Neither women’s supposedly greater sensitivity to relationship problems, nor income gaps, nor education gaps, nor conservative religious identity, nor woman’s age, nor the presence of children explain why women are so much more likely than men to desire exit from heterosexual marriage”
So, it is quite the mystery why women are initiating divorces in such large numbers. Even if you get one, you are likely to toss them back in the sea. So, are women done with men or what?